MY THOUGHTS YOU CAN'T DECODEI'm screaming I LOVE YOU SO , but my thought you can't decode 

People say i am a drama queen

Then...

I belong on the stage

i am not scared of people

i do not suffer from stage fright

i act through circumstances and events

i wear a different mask for everything i go through

i am not afraid of crowd size

i hide all my insecurities behind a different mask i put on

I can make it for OP

Just some psychoing done by myself, so as to ensure i will do better

TOodles

Rachel

i think i suffer from several phobias, after being reminded by xiu zhen with one of her post, i thought it was kinda cool.

Obesophobia - Fear of gaining weight

i think i suffer from this cause i have weight issues, but it does not affect me all the time, more like an on and off thing, so is this really a phobia?

Phobophobia - Fear of phobias.

i found this, i wonder who is suffering from this, haha kinda ironic

Somniphobia - Fear of sleep.

i am definitly not this, i will die if i cannot sleep la

Auroraphobia - Fear of Northern Lights

if i am afraid of this i would cry, one of my life goal is to see Aurora

Bromidrophobia - Fear of body smells.

yes i suffer from this, i hate BO i swear

Bufonophobia - Fear of toads.

ok i know xinyi suffer from this

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia - Fear of long words

funnily contradicting

Maieusiophobia - Fear of childbirth.

i guess i suffer from this

Maieusiophobia - Fear of childbirth.

ok i am scared of dolls i admit it

ok i dun think i suffer from this, but i might suffer from commitment phobia, just towards to aspect of love, oh well anyone got a cure for that. i love watching romance movies of how people are always together  or young teenagers in love. But i just can't see myself being like that.

That enough information for the day,

TOodles

Rachel

alright now that one of my A level subjects i down, and one more to go. I have a list of things i wanna do.

Ok lets start with things I have done

1. Did my 5km great eastern women
2. Finish A level Chinese
3. Song lead in church at least once
4. Hosted a gameshow with Hannah
5. Got CCEEED for my promo results
6. Read the notebook by Nicholas sparks

Oh well i hope i complete them , especially the maths part. oh well. Lets see if i can post a picture up 

let me tell you something

CHUA XIU ZHEN  PLAYS PET SOCIETY

can you believe this haha, in school now,

TOodles

Rachel

This few days have been repetitive, go school, PW , Chinese, sleep, run then Harvest moon and sleep. It is getting boring. OP is a rush. WR was handed in yesterday. Even with all this, my emotions are making a fool outta me. I just feel like everything is wrong with my body. First, i know i put on a lot of weight during my exam period. I got kinda emotional about it. I tell people i suffer from self esteem issues , no one really believes me. Maybe it is about the fact that i hide all my insecurities behind my cheerfulness. Then i made a mistake by cutting down my sloping fringe and changed it into bangs. Bangs help make my eyes look bigger. But is makes me feel like i have nothing to hide behind. I guess so. I have so much problems i have been hiding. I have begun to think about bad solutions to get rid of my fats, (e.g not eating ) this and that. but i got a run to train for. Sometimes i wished i do not have the fat gene and not worry so much about what i eat. Life is so difficult that way.

Oh well enough of ranting

TOodles

Rachel

P.S. I look at you looking at me, Now i know why they say the best things are free, gonna love you till the end of time, angel of mine

“I want a guy that’s going to make me laugh, not just every now and then, someone that can keep a smile on my face and somehow turn every situation into a funny one. I want a guy that’s not afraid to be totally stupid with me. Someone that’ll take me outside when it’s raining and just start kissing me. I want a guy that’s not afraid of what I wear. He won’t care if I wear my pajamas, or don’t put make up on every day of the year. Someone that no matter what will always think i’m beautiful, inside and out. A guy that respects my values and knows I won’t lower them for him, or anyone else. Someone that won’t call me at 3am in the morning drunk confessing his love. I want someone that will stay up until 4 in the morning with me cause I’m scared of the thunderstorm. Someone that will come to my house and surprise me with flowers just because its Monday. He’ll take me to concerts, and he’ll jump up and down with me and just act crazy. A guy that would drive 2 hours if it meant he could spend the day with me. When I go through a tough time all I have to do is call him and he’d come over just to make me feel better. If I can’t sleep, he’ll stay up on the phone with me until I fall asleep. He’ll listen to me, and he won’t judge me or my friends. He’ll know that there are certain times when I need my space, and i’ll know to let him have fun with the guys. A guy that knows i’m scared to death of birds, he’ll make fun of me for it, but if i ever see one on TV or in real life, he’ll know all he has to do is hold me. A guy that will watch scary movies with me even though i’ll be scared out of my mind. He’ll laugh at me for screaming and covering my eyes, and then he’ll hold my hand and kiss my forehead. I just want someone who will be there for me, someone to care about me. Someone to laugh with.”

This is an extract taken from xiu zhen's blog, blame the fact that i am cynical, but i don't actually believe that this kinda guy will appear before my eyes. It seems perpetually impossible. But if any guy is able to fulfil this requirements, they are considered HIGH IN DEMAND and trust me there will be girls all around them. I personally feel that i am a feminist. although i do admit that there are differences between men and women generally, there are of course the exceptions in each gender. I do believe that women can be as good as men. However due to the fact that men and women are wired differently , they want different things, they expect different things and they act differently. When it comes to love, we all think differently, maybe it is all the deep thinking and the scarred experiences that i had , coupled with all the different influences shifting my perceptive of love.I somehow doubt that we can all live with " the one".

like i have mention earlier about freakish dreams right, i dreamt i was with someone, falling in love with someone in your dreams is suppose to  be blissful and you are suppose to wake up happy, I woke up feeling painful, i was scared , i guess i am scared of  reality and truth. But that does not matter, i just have to transfer my energy and thoughts into a different channel.

That all for the night

TOodles

Rachel

I had 2 freakishly weird dreams in 2 days. Now all my perceptions are changed once more. i sense another wave of metamorphosis is me.

TOodles

Rachel